A Chance Encounter

This recounting of the Encounter is background for how Practice and Insight can create personal growth. Persistence and consistency are a must and there are many tools that will help you to navigate the many experiences that shape who you are and who you can become beginning with “The Four Agreements” by Miguel Ruiz:

It is very often the case that I don’t remember a person’s name and sometimes I don’t remember why I have an aversion or negative feeling toward a person long after I have forgotten a toxic event. It’s a small world and today I had a chance encounter with someone who seems to think a person I know some things about is doing “her best.” I know that this person is not doing her best unless her best is bordering on negligence: She will send a volunteer home with a dying cat and later claim that she could have saved it. There are many cats in that condition residing in her home.

A long time ago I was asked to bring a cat home from a rescue group. The cat had a fever well over 110 and was repeatedly vocalizing with her face pressed into her bedding. A Blizzard was forecast for that evening. The Director of the rescue group had advised me to put the cat in my closet. Aghast, I said, “she’ll die there!” I was again encouraged to put her in a closet. The person who was this cat’s Caretaker/Rescuer allegedly could not be reached: This is the woman whose name I must have chosen to forget.

A compassinate vet told me to bring the cat in – he would see her before he closed. He was horrified by what he saw. The cat was burning up and in great pain. He recommended euthanasia – this cat was suffering and not even aware that she was vocalizing. When the vet called the Director and told her the diagnosis and recommendation this Director of this rescue group told him to put the cat on supportive care. The vet exploded - supportive care to a dying cat?! This was a Qualified Doctor and this Director of the Rescue Group was telling him to be an inadequate doctor. Did she believe that heroic actions on the part of the doctor would stabilize this cat?! This cat would have ended up in the caretaker/rescuer’s home without further treatment and would have died slowly and painfully.

I made the decision to have the cat euthanized and the Original caretaker/rescuer who allegedly could not be reached bitched that the cat could have been saved. It’s mind boggling that she believed she was qualified to tell a trained professional how to treat a dying animal.

This is the woman whom this volunteer was defending with great emotion. She claimed that sometimes you find a cat dying on the street and you can’t take it to the vet and so you do it the kindness of letting it die in your home – naturally.

Here’s my big insight: This caretaker/rescuer had a very sick cat, dying slowly and in great pain and she wanted to deny that cat Humane Euthanasia. The Director actually accused the vet of “just wanting to close early because of the storm.” She preferred to let the cat die in a closet; her friend prefers to let cats die naturally in her home despite the fact that the cat was in a vet’s office and it was being done humanely. She was not in a position where she could not afford a vet – the cat was already in the vet’s office.

Miss Chance Encounter, your friends are fooling themselves and apparently have been fooling you too: In the book “1984” information is erased and replaced with made up stories. This once volunteer/now Adoption Representative for this group even denied that years back (when she was just starting out as a volunteer with this group) another well-known and respected rescuer had some of the cats in this woman’s home humanely euthanized while she was in the hospital. She says it never happened – excuse me – it did happen and he was treated as I was when I had that cat Humanely Euthanized.

Maybe they knew better than to try and trash the rescuer by calling him “crazy” and decided that denying the entire event was the best route for them.

I got the impression that she was on verge of saying “she’s crazy” more than once and stopped herself. Maybe I am assuming but it brought to mind the group’s standard reply to allegations of lack of ethics or wrongdoing; “she’s crazy.”

Her immediate defense (yes, she was being very defensive about this group) to why I was almost evicted when I wound up with over 35 of their cats was that I should have brought them in for adoption. My, how Ignorance shines when reaction just takes over. What made her think that I never brought them in or attempted to bring them in for adoption? I simply told her, “I was given the sickest animals to bring home and they could not immediately be returned for placement.” Blind Loyalty and Ignorance are apparently a matrimony that makes for the preferred flunky. I was there once, I once believed and the Truth set me free.

HERE’S MY LESSON IN THIS ENCOUNTER:

According to the Four Agreements the Word is used negatively when Judging, Criticizing or Gossiping about anyone. This is a hard agreement to master when dealing with people who are antagonizing you with untruths. This encounter was Free Practice in detaching from this useless activity so I give thanks for this practice in detaching.

I understand that to learn and evolve I am supposed to express myself and ask questions for clear communication so that I avoid assuming and creating incorrect stories. I think this means that I have the obligation to say, “here’s how I feel about this: I disagree and here’s why.” “I was taken advantage and it’s not ok.”

This is how you set boundaries (just by deciding what is ok or not ok – that is a boundary) and if this is a toxic encounter I have the choice to just walk away and not engage in the conversation. If I failed to Not get involved I forgive myself and try to do better instead of beating myself up.

I learned something through examining this encounter and after writing a long blog in response to this encounter I asked myself: “Am I expressing the truth or reacting and letting my cunning mind twist this into permission to post vitriol?” I like this insight – it points to growth.

I reminded myself that People are all just living out of their current state of awareness. More than likely, she was just ignorantly repeating what she has been fed by the people that she relies upon to do her own adoptions. She must believe that they are good people even if she has to twist the truth. It’s what the Mind does: I need to see this and so the Mind accommodates you. Total blind loyalty in exchange for inclusion and support while disregarding the imbalance in the relationship. When you hear someone call another person “crazy” try to see how irresponsible that is and see past the label – it is often used to denigrate and devalue a person. Ask questions for clarity – are you saying this person is clinically crazy? How do you confirm that? This reckless label is used often by this group in particular. I had to ask myself: How do they manage to come into contact with so many so called crazy people? How many blogs posted by others shine a light on this group’s name calling; mudslinging and devaluation tactics? Get the facts, do the research and learn to trust yourself by referring to facts and demanding clear communication.

Do they not screen volunteers or do they prefer taking in sheep that they think they can manage? It is highly likely that they take advantage of naïve and vulnerable people and then call them crazy when the person is so blatantly abused that eventually they reach their saturation point and over react giving them more ammunition for gleefully practicing gas lighting and other toxic behaviors like mudslinging.

All this goes on in the world and you do need to be aware of it; trust your feelings, they are navigational tools. Trust your gut. Observe and set boundaries. Protect yourself. Respond instead of reacting – don’t let anyone push your buttons. When you realize your buttons are being pushed stop and examine that button. Learn from it knowing that seeing it for what it is and where it came from will make you more conscious and less able to be victimized.

There is Useless negative energy in debate – you are each trying to convince the other that only one of you is right. Learn from the interaction: Learn about yourself and about the person you’re with and learn about the subject matter too. Get information and Insights from the interaction.

Will we ever learn? How if not through shared experiences but examine what you are taking in: Don’t be a sponge. I am so glad I didn’t engage in extended debate with this person, when I realized what was happening I stopped and walked away.

I eventually became kind of amused and smiled inwardly because I got the impression that she was talking about me and not realizing that I am the “crazy lady” that her group has been trashing. She kept repeating that this woman has started a blog – how many other blogs are out there about this group besides mine?! She was talking to the “enemy” and this made me realize that she is unconscious and unaware.

Don’t get involved in extended conversations with these people – just continue to evolve. There is a tool called Gray Rock. You become vague and boring and the conversation dissipates. The Narcissist’s tricks dry up without a reaction: The response is Gray Rock. Do not engage them; do not feed them with your precious energy. Emotionally dismiss them and move on. Gracefully leave the area if needed.

I CLOSE WITH THIS THOUGHT:

Someone who belongs to a 501c3 non-profit with networks in veterinary care and major organizations in animal rescue has no excuse for picking up a dying animal and letting it die long term in their home. To reassure yourself that at least you didn’t let it die on the street is irrational – the animal suffers while this person is in a position to call her friend, the director, of a non- profit and provide Humane Euthanasia. A rescue group/501c3 that would condone picking up a dying animal and letting it die long term in their home might include it in their Mission Statement if they really believed it: They don’t because they know they will NOT get non-profit status and that it is unethical and by keeping it under wraps they are complicit.

Then only thing necessary for Evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing

Expose them? Not via reaction. As I told someone who called me about this still ongoing practice: Walk away from them.

I AM ADDING THIS:

Expose the overall truth that helps others to navigate through these dangerous and muddy waters for other potential volunteers/victims.